Indiana Jones and the Retirement Center of Doom

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was the first movie I ever saw on opening night. I was ten then, now I'm twenty nine, and Indiana Jones is old. Too old perhaps to be cracking his whip and escaping from Nazi's, or was it Russians, or does it matter? George Lucas is credited as being the driving force behind this story, and once again we see that this man is a menace and needs to be stopped. However, his multimillion dollar creative rant is a bit tempered for this film, no doubt by Spielberg who is actually a good film maker (does anyone else get the feeling that Spielberg only hangs around Lucas out of a sense of buddy pity?) Crystal Skull starts out strong, but seems to get lost along the way in its own nostalgic vanity. Unlike some critics I didn't mind the alien theme, but the whole plot just falls apart in the third act. And what is Cate Blanchett doing in this movie with her ridiculously cliche Russian accent. This movie was entertaining, but not a worthy conclusion to one of film's iconic series. Two and half stars for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. By the way, whatever happened to that short Chinese kid that used to hang around with Indy?

Brisingr means fire...

Brisingr is the sequel to Eldest and the third installment in Christopher Paolini's Inheritance trilogy, oops I mean Inheritance cycle...(I wonder how many early editions of Eragon were published with that subtext). Despite Paolini's amateur predictability, lack of originality, and the transposing of his weird quirks onto his fictional characters, Brisingr was compelling and very enjoyable. Mind you, it's nothing special, but as I've said before, I'm a sucker for swords and sorcery and dragon action (that sounds a bit sordid). And there's plenty of that in this novel, climaxing with an exciting battle between the ancient rider Oromis and his gold dragon Glaedr against the traitor Murtagh and his red dragon Thorn. And for the first time we get to encounter the infamous dark king, Galbatorix - albeit through his possession of another character viewed at a distance by means of a psychic link. Hmm that seems unnecessarily complicated. Anyway, the book is better paced than its predecessor Eldest, but still falls into stretches of irritatingly boring chapters this time concentrating on Varden and Dwarf politics. The scenes with Roran's rise to prominence among the Varden are compelling and well done, but all of the focus on the Varden leader Nasuada is little short of worthless (she is really one of the most uninteresting characters that I've ever read in fantasy fiction). The battles and scenes of magic are sufficiently exciting, and the plot feels well planned. But what is up with Eragon's wussy, momma's boy relationship with Saphira? Makes me wonder if Paolini feels his mother didn't give him enough attention when he was little. And you gotta love the awkward attempts at humor personified in the character of Angela the fortune teller, all of which reinforce my conclusion that home schooling your children socially retards them. In spite of its weaknesses (probably more apparent to me because I am insanely jealous of the author's quick success at such a young age) Brisingr is an enthralling story which I very much enjoyed. On a scale of 1-10, Brisingr scores an 8.

I confess, I was disappointed...

To be fair, I haven't read this entire series. I loved Wizard's First Rule (I'm really pumped for Legend of the Seeker) and Stone of Tears, but Goodkind's bizarre obsession with graphic sadistic rape and his self righteous philosophical rants really put me off. So I skipped volumes three through seven (I wiki'd the stories), and resumed with the Chainfire trilogy (I actually started reading Goodkind with Naked Empire). I believe what makes an author stand out among his/her peers is the ability to deftly wrap up an epic in a way that harmonizes with the plot details of previous stories and makes the audience say "that ending felt right." Unfortunately, that is not how Goodkind ends the Sword of Truth series. This book was compelling and exciting pretty much up until just before the end, where it's thoroughly established rules for the boxes of Ordon (the talismans of ultimate power) that were so central throughout the first book and in the first two installments of Chainfire are pretty much just thrown out the window and the heroes win simply by being passively lucky. And in each previous novel, one of the Wizard's rules is explained. In Confessor the Wizard's eleventh rule, the rule unwritten, is introduced but NEVER explained. At least if it was, I didn't catch it. Jigang's death was clever, but Kahlan's compelling rising plot was extinguished just before it got good, and Zedd, Nathan, Nicci, and the other regulars were pretty much reduced to jumping off agents for Richard/Goodkind's rants about the fallacies of faith and the value of your one and only life. That being said, Confessor was still a good read, containing some of the intense feel of Goodkind's brilliant first novel, and the Jala (a lethal version of football) scenes were some of the most exciting scenes I've ever read. In spite of its let down ending, I would recommend Confessor and the Chainfire trilogy to anyone who loves fantasy. On a scale of 1-10, Confessor gets 7.5. (I give Phantom an 8 and Chainfire a 9).

Star Wars the way it ought to be!

The recipe for creating a great Star Wars story is to take the settings and characters that Lucas created and let someone else run with it (so I hear about the Timothy Zahn sequel trilogy to R.O.T.J.). Such is the case with Star Wars the Force Unleashed. In this hack and slash game, you play Darth Vader's secret apprentice, a Sith called "Star Killer" (I guess Sky Walker was already taken). As part of proving to Vader that you are ready to aid him in overthrowing Emperor Palpatine, you are assigned to hunt down the Jedi that escaped the infamous "order 66." In an ingenious Star Wars plot twist, you turn from the dark side and eventually become a Jedi and are actually the one who founds the Rebel Alliance. I could sum up my feelings for this game by simply saying "IT ROCKS!" From the time I was little, I always wished I could wield a light saber and blast things out of my way with the force. While that isn't likely to happen anytime soon, this is the next best thing. Force lightning, sweet light saber duels, and throwing storm troopers out into space with a wave of your hand make this one gaming experience one you do NOT want to pass up. And being released on five different systems (each game a little different), you won't have to. The only negative thing I thought about this game was, why didn't we see this kind of Jedi/Sith action in the movies? Learn what a force warrior really can do by playing the Force Unleashed! In my not so humble opinion, this game gets a perfect 10! Oh yeah and the story and acting are great for a video game.

I can't remember where I parked my artifically intelligent battleship...

At the recommendation of one of my best friends, I made my first trip into the world of hardcore science fiction with David Weber's Mutineer's Moon.
After hiding inside the moon for fifty thousand years, the abandoned imperial battleship controlled by the A.I. Dahak finally selects (abducts) a new captain in the form of Lt. Commander Colin MacIntyre who is conducting a test of a new sensor technology over Earth's moon. Dahak needs Colin's help in dealing with a group of bio-enhanced extra terrestrial humans that mutineered aboard Dahak thousands of years ago, and who have now clandestinely infiltrated the governments of Earth and are continuing their covert war against another group of "Imperials." As Dahak's new captain, Colin is given the best in bio-enhancements, and is assigned to return to Earth and figure out a way to defeat the mutineers and thereby finally resolve Dahak's fifty thousand year old dilemma. Many Sci-Fi stories seem to have the problem of not being able to "think outside the box" and go beyond the established templates, but Weber successful weaves a refreshingly original and intelligent story in this novel published by BAEN books. Now be warned. This is not your father's Star Trek tame brand of science fiction. Mutineer's Moon is rampant with R-rated language and graphic violence, which I found a bit distracting. And although the story is strong and fast paced, I found Weber's writing style a bit vague and at times confusing. In some areas of the narrative he seemed to neglect explanation and detail, except when it came to the descriptions of superior imperial weapons technology(I gotta get me some warp grenades). Overall the book is strong and in a way has the same military sci-fi flavor as Stargate SG1. I rate Mutineer's Moon a 7 out of 10. A good solid read.

Shadow Plague Contagious

One of the effects that J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series had on the world was the proliferation of dozens of "wanna be" novels giving rise to a new genre of "Bubblegum Fantasy." Books like Leven Thumps, Eragon, Twilight, and many others all fall into this category. And while a lot of these are just two dimensional attempts to cash in on Potter's success (see Leven Thumps), some of them actually have a bit of substance. Such is Brandon Mull's Fablehaven series. The latest installment and third volume in the series, Grip of the Shadow Plague, continues the adventures of fourteen year old Kendra Sorenson and her mischievous twelve year old brother Seth as they work to protect their grandparents "preserve for the protection of magical creatures" from a demonically inspired plague spreading amongst the creatures of Fablehaven and turning them darkly feral. From the first chapter, Grip of the Shadow Plague hooked me and didn't let go until the book's exciting climactic battle with a tragic villain that you can actually feel sorry for. However, in spite of Mull's impressive Rowling-like ability to hijack the imagination, Fablehaven 3 continues to suffer from the series's patches of embarrassingly amateur writing (some of the descriptions are really awkward) as well as some painfully unsuccessful attempts at humor that dragged on and made me wince. Yet in spite of its narrative blemishes, Brandon Mull has made a substantive and imaginative contribution to the Harry Potter genre. I really enjoyed this book and would call it the strongest in the series thus far. On a scale of 1-10, Fablehaven Grip of the Shadow Plague gets an 8.

The Wheel of Time Turns

So you're probably asking yourself, "Why is Jason posting a review for a book that is almost three years old?" Because I just finished it for the first time, so back off! Actually, I only got into the Wheel of Time series last year, so like my experience with the Harry Potter books, I've had the opportunity to enjoy the series almost all at once and it has easily become my favorite fantasy saga thus far. In this the eleventh installment of the Wheel of Time, we get to experience the "calm before the storm" suspense of Rand, Mat, and Perrin along with WoT's numerous cast of characters preparing for The Last Battle. This being said, there is little calm about Knife of Dreams, the story being rich with emotional drama, intense confrontations, and epic battles. Which was a relief as the previous book, though a solid WoT adventure, was quite sedentary and dragged in places. In Knife of Dreams Robert Jordan again proves himself the master of the epic as dozens of subplots are artfully woven together throughout the narrative (or pattern), and its several characters and their world are brought to life by Jordan's unique thoroughly descriptive style. Tragically, Jordan passed away late last year before he could complete the final installment in this bestselling series. And so now we wait for homegrown hero Brandon Sanderson of Provo Utah to finish the story in the final volume due out next November. Thousands of fans will be eagerly awaiting the epic conclusion, especially those who've been following the series from its beginnings in 1990. No pressure Brandon. On a scale of 1-10, I rate KoD a 9. A worthy last work of an incredible story teller.

Stargate: Continuum, A Paradox of Medocrity

When the Star Trek TV series's ended, I had a painful Sci-Fi void that needed filling. I found that fulfillment in the Stargate television franchise (I love Atlantis). Consequently, I was thrilled when I learned of the two direct to DVD movies that were released this year: The ARK of Truth and Continuum. For those who aren't familiar with the series, ARK of Truth (released this past March) completed the ten season SG-1 TV series story line, making Stargate Continuum the franchise's first stand alone movie. Unfortunately, the creative forces behind Stargate decided to make yet another story about time travel and alternate realities. This wouldn't be a big deal except that SG-1 has been down this road at least five times (AT LEAST, and I am seriously not exaggerating). And each time its the same old plot: heroes thrown back in time or into an alternate realty, must convince bizzarro versions of friends and allies to help them get back, and lots of people die but are alive again by the end of the episode because none of it really happened. And I couldn't help but notice the plot's uncanny resemblance to that of Star Trek First Contact. Having said that, I must admit that it was fun seeing all my favorite characters come together again for more Stargate. And that's really this movie's saving virtue. It's more Stargate. Fans won't be disappointed as the time apart hasn't eroded the chemistry between the SG-1 cast one bit, and it's always cool to see Richard Dean Anderson back in action (although not very much of it, he being only in about a half hour of the 100 minute film). If it weren't for the nostalgic factors, this film would hold little appeal. But because it's more Stargate, I enjoyed it. Makes me miss the series. Oh well, I still have Atlantis. Two stars for Stargate Continuum.

Disgustingly Cute

Let's face it, Pixar knows what they're about- virtually everyone of their films being a success. And while WALL E is not the strongest addition to their expanding CG film library, it won't disappoint. I mean how can anyone not like a story about a kind, child-like, garbage robot (one who bears a striking resemblance to Johnny-5 from the Short Circuit films) falling in love with a sleek, futuristic, space droid (was it weird that I found EVE kinda hot?). In WALL E Pixar does what they do best, delivering gorgeous animation with a creatively original plot, and lots of laughs and even some tears (I DID NOT CRY! - even though I wanted to). In spite of the film's environmentalist agenda (Al Gore would be proud), WALL E is a harmless, heartfelt adventure the entire family can enjoy. Two and a half stars for WALL E.

The Dark Knight Delivers

The first thing that came to my mind when the credits rolled was, wow! From beginning to end The Dark Knight draws you in and doesn't let go. Moody and intense, Christopher Nolan's second Batman movie delivers an emotionally charged plot punctuated by plenty of caped crusader action (and lots of neat bat-gadgets). But what really makes this movie is Heath Ledger's Joker. His chilling portrayal of the clown prince of crime is worth the price of admission alone and adds to the tragedy of the actor's untimely death. This man had a brilliant future, and after this role could've gone anywhere he wanted to in Hollywood. Christian Bale effectively reprises his role as Batman, but definitely shares more of center stage with Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, and of course Ledger. But I must disagree with some of the critics who are hailing this as the "perfect movie." Although sufficiently long, the Dark Knight sometimes felt as though it were going too many directions at once and was only barely able to pay off all of its subplots. The heartfelt chemistry between Alfred (Michael Cain) and Wayne from the first movie seemed lacking - Alfred's character becoming little more than Wayne's cheerleader and comic relief - and Maggie Gyllenhaal is the movie's weak link as the new Rachel Dawes ( although I must say she did a much better job than Katie Holmes). I was disappointed with the Scarecrow's cameo capture early in the film, and Eric Roberts is ugly (well he can't help that). Despite its flaws, The Dark Knight is an above average film, especially for its genre, and definitely wins the title of this summer's must-see movie. Three and a half stars for The Dark Knight.

Stop it George! Just stop it!

Ohhhhkayyyy. I think I've just about had enough of George Lucas defiling Star Wars with his reckless incompetence. Let's face it, this guy is really only good at one thing, special effects. Oh he did have a glorious story idea that he worked with other writers and directors to develop (the original trilogy), but let's face it, once he took back the reins it was all down hill from there. The prequel trilogy is what happens when someone with billions of dollars goes senile! Why I am ranting about Star Wars? Because I saw the Clone Wars trailer, and while Lucas didn't direct or write the movie, it's clearly his fault. What continues to baffle me is that he still has millions of rose colored glasses wearing devotees, paying their tithes in the millions to this fallen entertainer. Earth to nerds, THE STAR WARS PREQUELS SUCKED!!! Why I ask? Why another Star Wars prequel? I am well aware of the Cartoon Network series, having seen it, but no! NO! NO! NO! Bad Lucas! Bad!!! Mr. Lucas, admit that you are a terrible writer, director, and person. Well ok the last was a bit much, but I really think this man has gone mad with power. However, I am willing to give him one more chance if he will abdicate the writer/director's chair and produce a sequel trilogy to the original Star Wars. That could be really cool. Could be...

Life After Harry Potter: An Epilogue

It's been almost a year since I was standing in line outside Barnes and Noble with a bunch of freaks and weirdos waiting until midnight for the release of the last installment of the Harry Potter Series: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Admittedly, I am not one of those who was with Harry from the beginning, having become a fan in 2005 after giving into the persuasions of one of my best friends. But like so many other embarrassed adults (I think I now know what it must be like to go into a store and ask for an adult magazine after going into Barnes and Noble and reserving my copy without a ten year old escort), I got sucked into the world of Hogwarts. However, I have to confess, I was disappointed with J.K. Rowling's finale, and don't give me the "How can anyone live up to the expectations and hype" excuse. Peter Jackson did it! Return of the Jedi did it! SG1 did it! David Eddings did it! I just don't buy it. As good as it was, and I still class it as good, for the first half of the book I felt like Rowling didn't have a planned direction. Some of the narrative felt rushed, several payoffs from setups earlier in the series were ignored or only superficially addressed, and I felt like I needed a pad of paper to keep track of the arbitrary body count. Again, I really did like this book, but felt that maybe if Rowling had taken a little more time, perhaps made one more review of the rest of her series, it might have been a much more satisfying capstone to what truly is a "magical" epic. So in summary, here's what I think Rowling did right, and what she did wrong.
Virtues:

• Harry was a Horcrux (any other explanation would've been terribly disappointing).
• Snape was not evil (The Prince's Tale was my favorite chapter).
• Doby's heroic death (that almost made me cry).
• Harry had to die...kinda.
• THE BATTLE OF HOGWARTS!!! (can't wait to see that on film!)
• Neville Longbottom goes toe to toe with the dark lord.

Vices:

• Hallows? Why haven't we ever heard about this before? Was this really necessary?
• Dumbledore's dubious past. Not that interesting (at least not until Rowling outed him.)
• Ridiculous number of deaths. After a while, I just didn't care who died.
• Months of unsuccessful Horcrux hunting. The characters were bored, and so was I.
• Snape's death was anti-climatic.
• Harry essentially tricked Voldemort into killing himself. What a let down! Everyone in the book was always talking about how much hidden talent Harry had, and after he repulsed hundreds of dementors I thought that we would see that talent re-emerge in his final conflict with Voldemort. Harry and Ron have ANOTHER falling out. Come on, been there done that.
• The epilogue. WORST EPILOGUE EVER.

Now that the series is complete, I think Half Blood Prince ended up being my favorite. Well, that's all I have to rant about tonight. Let me know what you think. I dare you...

It begins...

Wow! I have a blog! So why does the blogosphere need another self righteous know-it-all spouting out their opinion about things only they care about? It doesn't. But my wife (sorry ladies, I'm taken) is getting tired of my ramblings and so I decided to inflict my opinions upon the masses. This blog is going to be about all things entertaining. From the epic budget breaking summer blockbusters to the dog chasing his tale, if it is entertaining I'm going to write about it! That sounds ambitious, but I assure it really isn't. Mostly I'm just gonna complain about bad movies, and applaud those things that make geeks drool. So without further ado, I present.... MY BLOG!

....so where's the applause?